okay.

i need to stop eating dairy products like cheese.
and start eating more veggies and fruits.

tomorrow my goal is to eat 5 servings.
i think thats a safe number.
along with 3 cups of green tea.
and 8 cups of water.

sleeping in the cld tonight to maybe burn some calories. (:
i did okay today.
but its a hopeless idea of going to gym over the weekend.
so it gonna be my goal to go 4 days this week.
my mother is tring to make me stop because im failig a class.
but no. i will go.
is not like shes home on weekdays anyway.

laterrr.

PS just thinking that i could be 138 lbs by summer.
and it makes me smile. (:

finally a bit of good.

my brother went to court yesterday after he got arrested a week or two ago.
and all he has to do is take drugclasses and hes good. (:
im sooo happy he didnt have to serve time.

AND i lost 3 lbs so far this week. (:
im gonna try to get some exercise in today.
and im going bowling tomorrow.
so yeah.
im almost back to my lowest weight just 3-5 lbs to go!

on thursday i went to the gym.
after burning around 300 calories at dance,
i burned 500 on the elliptical. :D

so im doing okay since wednesday. (:
latersss.

sigh. what it would be like to be nturally skinny.

summer?

okay.
bad day.
binged on ice cream, pretzels and ginger ale.
:P
i probably drank that whole liter too.
kill me.

what i dont understand is why i cant stop myself.
there are professinal atheletes and models an actresses everywhere dieting.
so why cant i do it?
so since i binged i hav to punish myself.
so 200 crunches plus 40 sides, 75 pushups and 75 [[something for the legs]]
and tomorrow its 50 minutes on the elliptical no matter how tired i get.
im sick of this damn fat everywhere.

and summer is 16 weeks that mean i can only lose 32 lbs!
psh only. that would be fantasmic!
and so i have to get started now.
and now it is.
and imma set up an eating plan for tomorrow.

off to punishment,
best of luck to myself and other dieters.

gym time!

ive been focused on my weight for around 3 years now.
but in those three years ive managed to get from healthy.
to over weight.
to almost obese.
i dont look it though.
and thank evrything good no one tells me that i should stop eating.
other than my mother. :P
liekk when i told people my real weight they told me i was lying and that i actually weighed a lot less....
i was like... uhm no?
yeah.

i went to the gym three times this week.
and i went to dance twice.
im trying to get into a schedule where i go to the gym fourtime a week, and i go to dance three times.
because now that my brother went to jail and we have to pay a lawyer a lot of money for his trial i feel sorry about wasting money for dance and going ice skating.
and stuff like that. oh and the gym membership i barely use.

im also startign a point system.
i found it on a pro ana site
but im gonna try it out anyway.
if i get at least 150 pts in a week.
i dont have to workout 6 days, only 4.
which means my weekends will be free. (:

i think my pants are getting looser.
but i may be delusional.

i just finished impulse by ellen hopkins.
it was a really good book, and the way she ended it was cool.
i definitly want to get identical but that will have to wait until i finish a walk in the woods by bill bryson. for ap english. :P

later.

ps. i still havent weighed myself.
im kinda scared cuz i only go to the gym at night.
but i kinda have to cuz that is the only time i go.
or i need to convince my parents to buy a scale.
haha good luck to me on that one. :P

why cant i just do it?

went to the doctor today.
for my knee.
apparently i need strong quads.
great. can you say thinder thighs.
i dont want to.

im 170.1 lb.
WTF.
im going on an all veggie-fruit diet
for tomorrow.
then we'll see where we are.
well where i am.

i took a walk today.
burned around 180 calories.
thats like nothing :P.
i need to find something that burns more cals.

skipped jazz today.
going to hip hop tomorrow.
then i guess ill go to the gym.
and then i think i can walk home.
that would be cool.

listening to ke$ha.

latteeerr.

normal?

did nothing today.
but didnt eat that much.
i ate lunch.
it was strange.

later.

boo.

just boo.
fucked up my knee at ballet.
now im afraid to run.

i guess ill do elliptical tomorrow.
ill prob burn more calories anyway.
tired.

too much food.
ive gotten into the habit of not eating lunch.
i eat breakfast but no lunch.
probably bad.
but i hate packing lunches and school lunches have way too many cals.

off to take a cold shower. :P
then ill open my window and try to fall asleep without my blanket.
[[35 F 8mph wind. not too shabby.]]

later.

today : i hate food.

i started today off not so good.
well good... then bad.
i went ice skating.
[[i used to be good then i got fat. :P]]
and then my brother brought me a donut. :P
BOOOOO.
so i skipped lunch.
and i mean i was really happy about it.
then after school i just ate and ate and ate.
i shouldnt have eaten after school.
that ruined it all.
:P
well.
i have to do a bootcamp vid tonight.
then imma do 100 crunches and 25 sides each.
its an upper body day anyway.
then imma take a cold shower/bath.

bye bye.

[[later]]
so i did all that.
and i decided tomorrow after dance
imma do cardio for 40 minutes.
then sauna for 15. (:
detox. woot.
and after english hw im gonna reread the thinspo tips and tricks.
and see what i can do.






tiny tiny legs. :P

and i start anew.

im gonna do a workout video right now.
its like 11 minutes long.
and thenim gonna sit down to a cold bath.
ive been eating like shit.
and im starting a bootcamp today.


nothing to really talk about.
bye.


[[edittt]]
didthe bootcamp vid.
and it was awful.
like im so out of shape i could barely do it.
boooo.

i tried to take the cold bath. but that didnt work out.
buti sat in there for 5 minutes.
then took a hot shower for like 5 minutes.
and then took a cold shower for around 15.
now im sitting heretyping in my underwear and a tshirt hoping no one come in and think im a freak.
haha.

the bootcamp im doing is a video everyday.
then plus 30 minutes of cardio.
ive done it before.
but i havent stuck to it.
but im determined this time!

im downloading legend of the seeker.
for some reason i find it extreamly intriguing.
okay.
bye.


i wish my legs were that tiny! :P

new year. woot.

my resolution:
do/try 5 new things.

okay!
eaten like shit the past couple days.
gonna get healthy this year.
its just gonna happen.
gonna work on my thinspo book.
reada bit.
and yeah.
idk if i wanna go to sleep tonight.

byeee.


no thinspo today.
too tired. :P