i dont know what im doing anymore.

i like feeding other people,
feeding them loads and loads of calories,
while i sit and watch,
i must remember not to eat any in the making, though.

todays weigh-in:
133.5 lb.

intake:
2 biscuits with butter (~350)
one cupcake (~200)
grapes (~30)
exercise:
none, again, because i suck.
net:
around 580 cal.

im so confused about what i want.
first, i want help.
then i dont.
then i want to be used somehow.
then i just feel like crying.
im a fucking mess.

i gave away all my extra frosting today,
i didnt go to the rave,
i know i feel like dancing,
but i dont feel like going to a place i dont know,
and not knowing when im gonna come home.
although, i feel like being taken advantage of.
my mind is in a strange place right now.
this probably isnt good.

i drank chardonnay as i was putting my makeup on today,
i kinda had a mental breakdown though,
because i put on all this makeup,
and then i freaked out and had the need to take it all off,
and start over,
this happened twice.
it was slightly irritating.

i wrote all this earlier.
i am much better now.

although i have a crisis,
i made macaroni for my brother,
all we had was whole wheat pasta,
which he hates,
so there about 2-3 servings leftover.
should i throw it away?
i mean, i think im strong enough not to eat it...
but at some point im gonna want it. haha.

ive been fasting since 12pm est.
thank you to everyone who commented on my last post.
i love you all,
im serious.
i wish i knew you guys in real life.

thank you again,
stay lovely.