so after eating monstrous amounts of chips over my vacation i decided to have a fast.
it went on 39 hours, and made me feel like absolute shit,
i just wanted to beat my last record of 25. ... which i did.
but im back to 140.
i didnt weigh myself before i did this.
i was too afraid.
but i realized... i have 20 pounds to go. and i cant do this shit.
im starting dance again soon.
and so thatll help. and yeah.
but i was having an episode last night, i guess you could call it.
so i texted ryan... probably sounded like an insane person.
but he sounded like he didnt care... like he sorta did but not really.
i thinkim an attention whore.
i dont mean to be, but i just dont get enough love... anywhere.
i need more drugs. i was happy when i was high for 3 days straight.
.... damn, im fucked up.
also, my parents are making a family dinner.
like wtf? we never have these.
and if it wasnt for that i wouldnt be fucking eating ooohhh welll.
also, when i was out last night,
we were sitting in a coffee shop and i was thinking,
"im probably the only one here thinking about food"
and then i started laughing and they looked at me weird.
yup yup, im fucked up.
edit: about the family dinner,
i need to learn self control.
stop at one fucking piece of chocolate.
and dont let your mom telling you to eat meat when you have been a vegetarian for quite some time to piss you off then lead you to eat shit and drink more wine.
that is all.