day 41/45.

today is sucking.

ofc D canceled on me.

ive eaten a lot.

im 150.5.

i feel like shit.

i keep coughing.

today ive already had:
-fake cheese sandwich = 110.
-nectarine = 25.
-juice = 60.
-fake cheese sandwich = 110.
-pickle = 0.
-juice = 60.
-poor mans pizza, fake cheese = 125 x 2.
total so far: 610. boo. i need to go run.

ill edit later.

day 40/45.

07.30.10

school is soon.

still 149.5.

hanging out with D tomorrow.
maybe.
i texted him today. and im like...
what going on with us?
and he said. im not ready for a relationship.
and im like well im okay with that.
and hes like you sure?
and secretly i wanted to be like... no!
but i said yeah sure id prefer a relationship.
but whatever you want.
and then we started talking more... ironic, right?

dont feel well.

ate a lot.

im going to sleep.

day 39/45.

07.29.10

still 149.5

splurge day today.
although i dont feel sorey now.
i probably will tomorrow.

still havent hung out with D.
hes pissing me off because he rarely ever texts me.
so im not texting him until tomorrow when i can hang out.

what i had today:
-less than a cup of juice.
-1/2 an apple.
-1/2 sandwich [[cheese, mustard]] [[dont ask its really good]]
-another 1/2 sandwich
-the chicken in a sweet and sour veggie chicken meal.
-brusters waffle cone worth of bday cake ice cream.
-tostitos with con queso.
-chocolate.

i really dont want to count all that up.
ill do better tomorrow.
i just feel like doing nothing today.
i should have gone to the gym or something.
ill do that tomorrow.

bye.

day 38/35.

07.28.10

today was a long day.

i have a week.

i weighed 149.5 this morning.

my goal was 144.
im not far off but i dont want to lose that much in a week.

so first i went to my english tutor. [[sat]]
then atlanta bread company.
then i walked home. 1 mile.
then i sat around. filmed. ate
then fail of math.
driving. parental yelling.
walked to target to get away, and back. 1.5 miles.
went to the movies with C.
walked back. .75 mile.
had sushi.
watched tv.
took a walk/run. .5 mile.
blogging. -currently- haha.

what i ate:
-abc = 400 cal.
-lots of bread = 300 cal.
-clementine = 50 cal.
-danactive = 35 cal.
-sushi = 250 cal.
TOTAL: 1035 cal.
----- -0300 cal.

not bad.
we'll see what the scale says tomorrow morning.

D hasnt texted me since 3.
i mean WHAT THE FUUUCCCCKKK.
ive texted him like 4 times.
with no effing answer.
it just makes me feel really self concious.
like im not good enough for his messages.
this really isnt healthy.
and i think i like him a LOT.
which is problematic because i hate feeling like this.
he has the upper hand. and can hurt me.
and i absolutely hate that.

bye for now.

day 37/45.

alright day.
last day of work.
went to the park.
went to R's. [[boy]]
went swimming.
watched a movie.
D was there.
we cuddled. it was nice.
and then no text after.
BIG surprise. xP

i forgot to weigh myself this morning.
breakfast killed me today. i went to panera.
what i had:
-panera choc. chip bagel = 370 cal.
-panera plain bagel = 290 cal.
-panera sweet tea = 105 cal.
-panera butter packages = 100 cal.
-two pretzels and a noodle--- not counting.
-pizza = 300 cal.
-kefir = 50 cal.
FAILDAY.
TOTAL: 1215.

then -150 for walking around and swimming.

anyways, bad day.
ill weigh in the morning.

bye.

thinspo to help me on my way to 30 lbs.

after the 45 day countdown imma do a 30 lb countdown.

day 36/45. i changed the number to the wednesday before school.

i was doing really well today.
until i went home.
damn cookies.

151 this morning.

went shopping today. (:
got some stuff.
along with new shorts. yay!
size 9. ALMOST 7. (:

what i had today.
-kefir = 50 cal.
-rice and salad = 300 cal.
-smoothie = 50 cal.
-2 sandwiches = 350 cal.
-3 cookies = 240 cal.
[[EDIT:add: pasta = 150 cal.
TOTAL: 990 cal.--->1140 cal.
GRRROOOOSSSSSS.

i also bought a bikini.
dont know how i feel about that yet.
i mean you can obviously tell ive got a tummy.
but i mean idk if i should stick it out or what.
BLAAAAHHH.
and no one is answering my texts right now.
and i really want to talk to D.
:(

bye.

if...

im going to date a tiny skater boy.
i will weigh as much as him.
or less.
sofia must lose at least 30 lbs.
that puts me at 120.


that starts tomorrow.
i cant wait to stop eating,
and exercise till i cant breathe.
WOOT.
and you guys are coming with me. (:

day 34/35

yesterday i didnt count calories.
i weighed in the morning at around 150.5
but im afraid to look at the scale now.
i went to my friend C's house.
harry potter party. :D
and went swimming in her salt water pool this morning.

but ive eaten quite a bit.
tomorrow i start counting again.

i just ate a cookie.
oh did i meantion i have a bag of cheezits and cookies in my closet?
i didnt?.... well i do.
theyre torturing me with flavor.
GARRRRGH.

bye;

day 33.

07.23.10

151 this morning.

i dont actually know how much i ate.
but ill give you a list. but no numbers.
-3 fake chicken tenders.
-plum.
-cupcakes. around 3?
-curly fries. a couple like 4.
-cucumber salad.

SOO TIREDDD TODAY.
went to M's at 4.
swam from 5-7.
went to the dollar theatre. didnt watch anything.
went to chuckie cheese.
went to arbys.
went to borders.

was with D. we held hands it was fun.
kissed a little too. (:
my best friend drilled me cuz APPARENTLY i didnt tell her, xP
haha.

until later, im happy. (:

[[edit: spoke to my ex, he made me all depressed, i dont even want to talk or write about it, its not worth it, im just not going to talk to him anymore. whatever.
i really want to talk to D.
and add 150 to my total. had an omelette.]]

day 32.

07.22.10

i didnt do anything today.
currently, im so hungry i feel like throwing up.
no joke.

what i had today:
-cheese sandwich = 200 cal.
-salad = 100 cal.
-soup w/ bread = 125 cal.
-white chocolate = 150 cal.
TOTAL: 575.

im effing STARVING.
and dont get me wrong, i want to eat.
but theres nothing to eat at my house.
i mean nothing i can eat right away.

plus, i feel really sick.
like im coughing and stuff.

and my skin is SUCKING right now.
like im getting pimples and shit.
i dont ever get this gross.
i need to do something about it... NOW.

i really do feel like fainting though.
i think imma go lie down for a bit.
oh, and i was 151.5 this morning.

later.

[[edit: add 150 to my total. had rice later.]]

day 31.

07.21.10

152.5 as of this morning.

what i ate:
-fake chicken ~ 350
-potato things ~ 75
-russian mini pancakes ~ 300
-coke ~ 50
-candy ~ 100
-sandwich ~ 175
TOTAL: 1050.

and i didnt work out today.
[[day four fail]]
i walk around a bit though with D.
so im thinking -50.
unless you burn a lot kissing. :D

i didnt go anywhere though cuz i slept from liek 7-12
XP which is why im not sleeping now.
[[its 3 am ish.]]

anyways, i dont know what im doing with D.
my new lifestyle of being carefree and such is strange.
like its new and different... and i like it.
but idk. ive never been in this situation.
and my last and only ex boyfriend was a lot different.
think slightly chubby huge guy who plays video games,
versus skinny skater boy who lives life. :D
i thinks it a good trade.
now i just have to work on being tinier than him.

speaking of which,
i need to go shopping.
i got to 152.
i should be able to have so shopping fun, eh?
to the outlet MAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!! (:

gonna go clean my room, more calories burnt... eehhh?

laterrr. (:

day 30 and day 3.

07.20.10

152!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(:

and all i had today was...
-yogurt - 120
-sushi - 75
-panda express - 800
-airheads - 200
TOTAL: 1195
exercise: -120

thats quite a bit. xP

oh well, ill do better tomorrow.

i dont know whether i told you guys.
but along with the exercising for 30 minutes 30 day deal.
i started the glamour diy makeover.
and im on the same day, so itll be both. (:
today i did the exercises for the first time.
they hurt like a mother.
oh well. ... i just sighed and it hurt. xP
it said im supposed to intake 1650 to maintain.
so i think im doing good. XD
not like i believe it though.

i should be doing SAT but i dont want to.
i have a tutoring lesson thing tomorrow morning.
then hanging with D. and maybe M and her friend.

i probably missed something. im too effing tired to think.
sleep? i think yes.

day 29, and day 2 fail.

still 153.
but im alright with that.
but im not going to warped tour.
which makes sofia sad.
oh well, next year, i suppose.

ive had about 800 calories today.
but i didnt burn much...
maybe 100.

i failed on the exercise thing.
i was too tired after 4 hours of sleep.
and i wanted to hang out with D. (:
i could feel him wannting to kiss me.
but i didnt, because im an effing idiot.
haha. itll get better.
we did hold hands though. that was fun.
we're hanging out wednesday. (:

my problem is that he weighs like 120.
and i dont know how i feel about that.
ill tell you on wednesday. (:

sorry this is short.
i want to text him.

ill exercise tomorrow! i promise!

day 28/42. and day 1/30.

ive decided to start doing 30 day challenges.
i suppose this one will end on the 17th of august.
this 30 day challenge, i am going to exercise for atleast 30 minutes everyday, aerobically.
checkmark for today. (:
lets see... what i did today: i swam for like 30 minutes, ran .5 mile, biked 2.5 miles (hills!!), and i might go for a walk after this.

i weighed myself this morning... 153!
yay!

all i had today was 4 pieces of pizza, at three different times.
and like 4 tootsie rolls, 2 long, 1 tiny, 1 fat.
thats like around 1400. maybe.

and then i probably burnt around 400, maybe.

so today was alright.
actually it was pretty effing fun.
i woke up after a dream of me smoking cigarettes, xP
and i went to hang out around 3 or 4.
we went to the park, Z's pool (which we broke into and got kicked out), and then M's tennis court.
we played a lot of truth or dare.
this one girl was a real wimp.
but i got dared to kiss D.
which i did.
then later we kissed... some more.
haha, apparently sofia is a good kisser. ;D

anyways i had fun. (:

weighin tomorrow!
hopefully, something good. (:
i want to buy an effing bikini, and go to the mall.
(:

until later. bye.

day 27/42

07.17.10

it was a pretty good day.
although my parents came home and shit,
i was only awake for two hours before they went to church.

so what i did today.
i read catcher in the rye.
finished it, and really liked it.
although i didnt get much out of the themes and stuff.
im a pretty surface level reader.
unfortunately.

then after that i went to the park, then QT, then M's neighbourhood.

caloric wise i did alright:
-2 servings of whole wheat pasta = 400
-w/ pasta sauce = 050
-ice cream = 300
-monster = 020
and i think thats it....
TOTAL = 770

then i walked around so probably..-100

i still need to get my bike from S's house. xP

i weighed 155 in the morning.
hopefully ill go down one more. (:

i didnt have any junk food as you can see!
other than ice cream.... but thats cuz its in the fridge.
and i didnt have that much....
haha. xP

the ice rink might be open again!
im so excited!!!!!
(:

ive decided...
i want to do my measurements... right now.
i might be doing this wrong... but oh well.
B:38 1/2
W:31 (woah.)
H:36 3/4 (like an inch below my bellybutton)
B:39
T:40
LT:25
RT:24 3/4

as you can see... my legs SUCK.

[[EDIT: ahhh! i found my measurements from july 18th, 2009.
Bust: 38 1/2
Waist: 32 1/2
Hips: 38 3/4
Thighs: 40 1/2
so thats a bit better... haha.
i weighed... erm... let me check...
163. so its only been... 8 lbs and a year.
but still kinda cool.]]

bye for now.

day 26.

07.16.10

today, i made a promise to myself.
no more junk food all week.
that mean no chips, sodas, fries, anything.
[[maybe no chocolate, and ice cream]]
im not trying to deprive myself,
just trying to make myself healthier.
also, im trying to eat less bread.

so today i had quite a bit as well:
-cheezits like 6 servings. xP 800
-cucumber with italian dressing 030
-chicken [[fail at being a vegetatian]] 075
-rice w/ lemon sauce 100
-chocolate 310
-ice cream 160
--------------------------------------------
TOTAL: 1475

less than yesterday, but still quite a bit.

im gonna start trying to also lower my sodium intake.
since more sodium = retain water.

oh, and burnt around 150-200 today walking around.

i was really depressed today. xP
i just want to be loved,
and i want to be skinny,
and carefree.
and ugh.

i need this to make myself better.

day 25/42

i ate a lot today.
well kinda.
heres today:

-woke up around 10 because my parent were leaving.
-biked to S's house around 12.
-peanut butter sandwich and a cookie
-filmed
-cookie, 2 diet cokes, fritos
-editing
-vegetarian nachos
-publishing/uploading
-grapes and movie.
-then i got home and had two pieces of pizza with coke zero.

thats around 1600 i suppose.

so i gotta stop drinking soda.
i might make that a goal of mine.

yeah actually i will.
for the next week, i will not drink soda.
but ice water, and occasionally juice.

i think i burnt around 250 today.
but i want to burn more,
like around 400.
i should probably have gone to the gym today.
but i filmed instead. unfortunate.
im probably go tomorrow.

in other news,
im kinda worried.
im supposed to get my ap scores back soon.
and i dont know how i did.
[[ew i just saw a centipede or something. eek.]]

in other other news,
sofia wants a boy.
but i know i cant get one unless i lose.
so i should probably get on that.
if i prayed, i would.
but im just going to have to take matters into my own hands.



wish me luck, please.

i want to go ice skating again.

i was talking to I.
and he made me want to go ice skating again.

which sucks, because my local rink is closed,
and the closet one is 20 minutes away by car.
and i dont know if my parent would be willing to drive that.
and i dont know if i would be willing to embarrass myself like that.

i wish i wasnt afraid to express myself.
so im just going to keep training, on land.
and hopefully the rink opens again,
and ill start on ice again.

sofia had around 700 calories today.
also, on a not relevant note, i have been talking in the third person a lot lately.
-80 cal from omelette
-140 from fiber one bar
-150 from potato salad, potato skins, and a cherry.
-and then around 300 for chips.
or more...
so around 800.

i went to the gym today.
burnt 400 calories.
yayyzzz.
so that was 40 minutes.
so i burnt around... 110 fat calories i believe.
if i calculated that correctly.
10% for 30 minutes.
then 80% after that.

then i did strength training.
quads, hamstrings, inner and outer thighs, and calves.
i did the same exercises i used to do when i ice skated...
it was a lot harder. my muscles must have gone away,
been replaced by fat.

ill weigh in, in the morning.
hopefully the number is lower.
i weighed myself twice at the gym.
went between 158-156.
so... we'll see.

wish me luck?
thinspo soon.

i suppose it would be day 24/42

im over half way through and i havent lost a single pound.
yesterday morning.
i weighed 154.5
after eating a "NORMAL" amount of calories.
im 157.

fuck you, i dont want to be healthy.
i can be healthy when i get skinny.
so today started my two day fast-ish.

ive only had 220 calories so far.
and im gonna have 100-200 calories every three or so hours after that.
so im hoping to be around 600 cal today.
then ill go to the gym.
maybe signed up for a personal trainer evaluation.
then after that. idk.
might go to this rave/pool party i was invited to.

why cant being pretty be easier. :/

skinny people always look happier.

EXHIBIT A:


so my quest is.... to get skinny, duh.

EXTRAordinarily bad day today.
wanna know what i ate?
ill tell you:
-fiber one bar
-rice with pieces of sausage
-apple
-one and a half pieces of mozzarella with olive oil on top.
-one slice bread.
-slice of watermelon
-small cucumber
-rice (not white, some weird kind}
-two mini bagels with cream cheese
-one large arbys curly fries.
-fiber one bar

thats like. WTF.
but i walked around a bit today.
.5 mile walk.
then .5 mile run
then 15 minute bootcamp.
then .25 mile run.

im assuming thats around 200.
and im assuming my food intake is... 1650.

so we'll see where im at tomorrow.

although tomorrow and the next day im on a fast-ish.

aight, well, later.

lets get skinny, shall we?

thinspo

sparkteens.

i used to be part of this site.
i occasionally go on it.
and i just posted this.

"alright. so I need MAJOR help.
i recently lost around 10 pounds.
but let's just say I didn't do it healthily.
I still need to lose more.
my lowest was 152.
I am 155. according to this morning.
I would like to be 125.
so I have 30 pounds to go.
iv already lost 17.
alright. now for the eating part. these past few days.
I've been eating around 1200.
which is the minimum you should eat.
i've looked into it.
but I'm gaining. like 3 days ago I was 152.
I really want to lose five pounds before warped tour.
which come in exactly two weeks to atlanta.
so help me, what should I do?
I'm eating the minimum, and still gaining. :(
thanks for reading."

and theyre like you have to eat 1800!
and shit like that and im like.
you guys havent lost any weight have you?

they think healthier is better,
than actually being pretty.

facking idiots.

the only reason i posted that was because i weighed myself this morning.
155.
FMFL.
i just need some opinions and they didnt help.
i might try yahoo answers or something like that soon.
i need advice from people who have actually lost weight.

anyone out there?
thinspo post next.

thinspo for a new beginning.

i just gave up.

i biked to target.
tried on clothes.
and i was like alright...
ive lost a significant amount of weight...
i should be able to fit into lower sizes.
right?
.
.
.
WRONG. apparently.

and then i got really depressed.
and i ate.
wrong choice. :(

i just feel like such an idiot.
but tomorrow should be better, more on tommorrow later.

what i ate/did today:
panda puffs 150 cal
biking (20 min) -150 cal [[correct me if im wrong]]
------------------
crinkle fries 120 cal
fish 050 cal
------------------
2 fiber one bars 340 cal
more crinkle fries 240 cal
--------------------------------------
TOTAL: 900 cal.

that actually not that bad...
i feel like im forgetting something though.
i feel so ridiculously full though.
like i feel like im going to burst or something
im gonna make that 1000. because i probably rounded down.

I WANT TO FEEL EMPTY AGAIN.
i dont think ill be able to sleep like this.
i just feel so... gross.

ugh.
well tomorrow schedule is...
work at 12-4or5ish.
then hanging with D and maybe some other people.




truth is... i just want to feel pretty.
i want to fit into a size 5.
im not even shooting for a 0.
i want people to look at me and say dayyum.
i just want to be loved.
i want my skinny guy friends to want me.
im just breaking inside.

hahahahahaha. just funny.

i weighed myself at the gym later yesterday. i was 152.
i was like yay shopping!

then i went to sleep ovver...
and now my scale says 154.5.
FUCCCKKKKKKKKKAAAGGGEEEEE.

lol.
so all ive had so far is a bowl of panda puffs
so thats around 150.
wooott!

ill update later.
im gonna bike somewhere.

just another... daily weigh in.

im 153 now!
yaaaaayyy.
one more till shopping!

but my brother ordered pizza,
so idk how thats gonna work. xP

editt later:
i only had two pieces.
but my back hurts from doing back stuff yesterday. xP

rest of day 19/42

07.09.10
well today was pretty chill.
i only ended up eating like... 800 ish.
and i swam and went running.
this is why i should go out more.

well, i got there at like 345.
[[to the pool]]
and i was the second person there,
being the only other one other than the host.
i brought drinks, and she had food.
[[although thats irrelevant we barely ate]]
it was thundering though.
so we werent able to go into the actual pool.
and then... it starting pouring.
we ended waiting like an hour while other people were showing up.
and then we went swimming.
10 minutes later Z. shows up,
late on account that he just woke up.
[[this was around 430]]
[[also irrelevant, but i liked him in january or february]]
we swam for like an hour or so.
but there wasnt much swimming we just stood around talking.

then i started feeling all wrinkley,
so i got out.
did i mention that i felt really... jiggly today?
well i did.

anyways, we were thinking of where to go next,
since we didnt want to just sit there at the pool.
and we ended up going into the woods near the neighborhood.
theres a clearing there. where we sat talking and playing truth or dare.
it wasnt very eventful, i refused to do a dare.
on account that i am a wimp.

then we went to Z's house.
since it was starting to get hot.
[[[im feeling lightheaded typing this. but imma finish quick. because id ont want to get up and eat. xP]]]
we got there and sat around his kitchen table for a while.
then went up to his room,
where we listened to music while talking
in the dim light of a single candle might i add.

then it was around 830.
and i had to walk back to where i originally told my mother i was.
M's house. but Z isnt allowed in there.
on account that he is a bad influence
[[and a lovely smoker might i add,
oh. look at me falling for the bad boy...again]]
so we sat on the street till i had to go.
well techinically, me, Z, and W sat outside.
W is also a boy. D (boy) and M (girl) were inside...
for quite some time.. xP

we talking about a lot of things outside actually,
it was really nice.
i wish i was actually friends friends with Z.
rather than just acquaintances.
oh, well.
might sleepover at friends tomorrow night,
if not, the night after.
im excited. shes an old dance friend.
HARRY POTTER PARTY! (:
i havent watched harry potter in FOREVER.

ill weigh in again tomorrow morning.

night. (:

day 19/42

AHHH! 23 days till school. :P
i started summer reading last night because i couldnt fall asleep.
gained .5 lb.
thats what i get for not going running.
although i did do crunches, flies, backwards pushups, and ballet squats.
but i only did one set.

GARRRRRR. i dont even know what weightage im supposed to be at on monday.
[[let me check...]]
lets just say i would like to be... 153/152
either of those numbers will work since i havent hit either of them

all ive eaten so far is a fiber one bar.
so imma eat something at 2.
maybe a salad. im kinda craving one of those.
and then ill be at the pool party at three.
my friend didnt leave her bike at my house. :(
she probably forgot.
if she left it on the side of her house imma get my dad to drop me off there.
and ill bike the rest of the way.
its sorta halfway anyway.

later.

the rest of day 18/42

well, that was a fail.
ive probably eaten 1000 cal.
maybe 1100.

uurrggghhh. and i didnt exercise today either.

tomorrow=
pool party + maybe walking/biking there.

my friend might drop her bike off at my house,
if she does i will definitely bike there.
but im a little iffy on the walking... that would take 30-45 min.
and bleeehhh. where as biking would take 20-30.
depending on whether i want to jump over a fence with a bike.
well ill see how heavy it is.

well, i finished cleaning my room.
now i have a bunch of boxes from my closet that need a new location.
i did some SAT words, and 1 math problem. lol.
i need to start my first book though.
i did a vlog today too. that was okay.

in my next post im gonna do measurements
and maybe pictures if i get up the courage.

my heart hurts.
i need to drink more water.

laterrrr.

day 17-18

07.07.10
day one of my kinda fast.
i had around 900 cal.
(:
i also went running -200 cal.
cleaned for like 3 hours. xP
and thats about it.
not a very eventful day.
well... i went to my english SAT tutor.


07.08.10
well not much has happened so far today.
considering its 4om and i got up at 2 pm.
but. i weighed myself. 154. yay!
i cant wait to go to the gym today. (:
all ive had so far is a fiber one bar.
im gonna go finish cleaning my closet... and then my room.
since cleaning my closet is basically put it all on the floor of my room.
aight.


later.

p.s. imma start stocking up on thinspo pics so i can do a post just for that.

days 13-16: eventful... with lots of eating.

COMPLETE waste of time.
dieting wise.
ive been just. ugh.
i annoy myself.


07.04.10
did you know its tick season?
i didnt. until july 4th.
it took me an hour to convince my communist mother to let me hang out.
and then i got to the park... and my friends were already down the street.
so i had to walk down there by myself... which i dont really mind.
but then... we had to go back.
most of the group got a ride.
but i volunteered to be one of the ones to walk...
[[more exercise... you know? haha.]]
and then i got there... and it took us 15 minutes to find the rest of us.
and that was all good. and we were finally chilling.
and then... one of the guys threw the rugby ball into the creek at the park.
i volunteered to get it.
i walk back out and sit down and...
TICK.
on my effing leg.
so i called my mother and got her to drive me home.
i got home... and where is the tick?
i dont see it... oh. its on my upper leg now... okay... cool.
it didnt even bite me and i left for no reason.
and then i really just wanted to leave the house.
so i got my parents to go to their friends house and bring me along.

07.05.10
my good friends and i had an old lady sleep over.
but before i left my mother yelled at me for an hour. of course.
i get there. and shes not at her house...
i sense a theme... right?
well shes down the street at the other girls house.
i go there and they're trying on clothes... and im like... okay.
i go downstairs and watch tv for a bit.
then we hobbled down the street.
made apple pie while painting our nails
[[old lady colors ofc.]]
and did water aerobics.
then we went to target, blockbuster, and then back.
then we watched i'll come running on demand.
then dating on demand. xP
then monk.
.... Zzzzzz.....

07.06.10
i got up after sleeping 5 hours.
went to the dentist.
[[MY TEETH ARE THROBBING.]]
went to chickfila. FML.
went to work.
had cake there cuz it was my boss's birthday.
got home. ate chocolate. sat around doing nothing.
went to dinner since it was my brothers bday.
[[longhorns. XP]]
and then i cleaned my room for like an hour.


IVE MADE A RESOLUTION::
i will no longer be an impediment on my parents lives.
when i can, i will clean my room, do my laundry, do my homework, and all that kinda shit so they dont bother me and i can do whatever the hell i want.
they dont need me, i dont need them.

also, 07.07.10 starts my two day kinda-fast.
i have a pool party on friday.
so im hoping to lose 2 pounds.
ill weigh myself in the morn.

later.

i just...

i just wanna be skinny.
i want to get the guys i want.
i want to be able to run as fast as i can for forever.
and NEVER come back.
i dont want to be left behind.
i want to feel comfortable in my own skin.
i want to turn people down instead of hoping for attention.

i am determined to get that.

i can lose 8 lbs before school starts.
that brings me to 148.
thats still awesome.
and i will get there.
i start now.

today is day 14, or 15 i suppose since its 1:27 am.
and i will get this.
its been two weeks.
and ive done nothing.
this is unacceptable.

see you on the skinny side.

thinspo!

day 12/42

07.02.10

imma do a separate blog for pictures. there are quite a bit.

i had a good day.
woke up at 4 pm. haha. (:

food:
-five pancake things ~150 cal
-bag of rice cakes ~770 cal
-eight sushi ~200 cal
-1/2 container raspberries ~075 cal
-hot chocolate ~100 cal

TOTAL: ~1395 cal

not that bad. i also walked around an swam quite a bit.
approx. -200cal.

went over to my friends house at 8.
we went walking to find out if our friend was back from his vacation.
im assuming he wasnt allowed out of the house.
so we went swimming in his neighborhood pool.
stole fudge and popsicles.
and set off fireworks.

good day? i think so.

days 10-11/42

ive been having a lot of bad days.

weighed myself at the gym...
between 154/155. i couldnt tell.

i dont feel good.
in fact i kinda feel fat.


06.30.10

i ate a lot.
i walked a bit.
i felt crushed.

so i sent four texts to this guy i like...
we used to like each other but we've been on off for 3 years.
and idk. i just want to finally know what it feels to be in a relationship with him.
... well, he didnt answer.
so i was like... okay... maybe his phone is... whatever.
so i called him from my friends phone
and he picked up... and then sofia died, like the dinosaurs.

i was just really sad.

so i ate a lot... my choice of munchie: fiber one bars. WRONG CHOICE.
too much fiber. xP




07.01.10

woke up to take my personal fitness post test.

came back. had chickfila ~ 700. xP

went to the gym. -200 cal.
walked back home. -100 cal.

hung around my house... and ate... and ate... and ate.
i guess im still sad.
i think my total today is around 1300.
-300 gives me 1000.

at 150, my friend and i decided we're gonna do something crazy.
well kinda... haha. im gonna "drunk text" ... that boy... ill call him jim.
and see if he answers. and then if he asks... i could be like. idk.
ill have to look more into this lol.

2-3 more pounds till shopping day! (:
i seriously need clothes... all my shorts keep falling off... and i dont have a belt.


im probably gonna go to sleep.
my eyes hurt...
and i dont want to start crying before i go to sleep.

good luck to everyone out there who is sad, lonely, or need someone.
i send luck and *hugs*

xo, sofia.