i just gave up.

i biked to target.
tried on clothes.
and i was like alright...
ive lost a significant amount of weight...
i should be able to fit into lower sizes.
right?
.
.
.
WRONG. apparently.

and then i got really depressed.
and i ate.
wrong choice. :(

i just feel like such an idiot.
but tomorrow should be better, more on tommorrow later.

what i ate/did today:
panda puffs 150 cal
biking (20 min) -150 cal [[correct me if im wrong]]
------------------
crinkle fries 120 cal
fish 050 cal
------------------
2 fiber one bars 340 cal
more crinkle fries 240 cal
--------------------------------------
TOTAL: 900 cal.

that actually not that bad...
i feel like im forgetting something though.
i feel so ridiculously full though.
like i feel like im going to burst or something
im gonna make that 1000. because i probably rounded down.

I WANT TO FEEL EMPTY AGAIN.
i dont think ill be able to sleep like this.
i just feel so... gross.

ugh.
well tomorrow schedule is...
work at 12-4or5ish.
then hanging with D and maybe some other people.




truth is... i just want to feel pretty.
i want to fit into a size 5.
im not even shooting for a 0.
i want people to look at me and say dayyum.
i just want to be loved.
i want my skinny guy friends to want me.
im just breaking inside.