Sunday, October 3, 2010

day 6/35.

todays weight: 143!!!!
todays intake: REALLY BAD. 1600ish. i dont even want to count.

i dont understand why i hurt myself.
this is the only thing in my life that i can actually truly control,
what i eat.
and then i fuck it up.
i was doing really well earlier.
like at 230 i had a salad from atlanta bread company.
but i didnt eat the croutons. and had only half the dressing.
but i did eat the bread. :(
then at 8 i had egg drop soup with crackers.
then at 9 i stopped by caribou coffee.
and not know how many calories were in a cup.
i had a vanilla white chocolate mocha...
i looked it up later 500 FUCKING CALORIES.
and then i got home and had vegan cheese and crackers.
then i just had half a tortilla with cheese and a soy dog.

like what the fuck is wrong with me.
this is my second screwup day out of 5.
and i was doing so well thursday and friday. :(
i hope the scale is nice tomorrow.
otherwise im gonna shoot for 500 tomorrow.
well im gonna shoot for 500 anyway.

uugghhh. also, my mom thinks im skinny.
but thats such a lie.
i think its because she found the tips and tricks i printed last year.
shes like dont hurt yourseld.
and idk. im not. and i think one of friends my have seen the scars on my wrist today.
i hope not. that might be difficult to deal with.

damn it.

tomorrow is a new day, and i demand to do better.
SOFIA, get it together, for your own sake.


  1. 1600 isn't bad at all!

    Y'know, if you could try maintain 1200 everyday, you'd end up losing weight real fast, and you wouldn't feel so hungry or needing to binge all the time!

    I may try it at some point <3

  2. boo. sorry you had a bad day. 1600 obviously isn't your goal number. what is? i try not to go over 600. i hope your friend didn't see your scars. i hate explaining scars. sometimes i lie even though i know they don't believe me. at least that way they don't expect me to open up about it, you know?
    &as for only bites of desserts, it's usually after a meal. so i'm already full. after a cup of cereal a bite of ice cream is all i want. if not, i drink water or go for a walk or weigh myself. those all help me not go back for more. yipes, sorry for rambling.


thank you for being lovely today.