day 6/35.

todays weight: 143!!!!
todays intake: REALLY BAD. 1600ish. i dont even want to count.

i dont understand why i hurt myself.
this is the only thing in my life that i can actually truly control,
what i eat.
and then i fuck it up.
i was doing really well earlier.
ugh.
like at 230 i had a salad from atlanta bread company.
but i didnt eat the croutons. and had only half the dressing.
but i did eat the bread. :(
then at 8 i had egg drop soup with crackers.
then at 9 i stopped by caribou coffee.
and not know how many calories were in a cup.
i had a vanilla white chocolate mocha...
i looked it up later 500 FUCKING CALORIES.
WHAT THE FUCK.
and then i got home and had vegan cheese and crackers.
then i just had half a tortilla with cheese and a soy dog.

like what the fuck is wrong with me.
this is my second screwup day out of 5.
and i was doing so well thursday and friday. :(
i hope the scale is nice tomorrow.
otherwise im gonna shoot for 500 tomorrow.
well im gonna shoot for 500 anyway.

uugghhh. also, my mom thinks im skinny.
but thats such a lie.
i think its because she found the tips and tricks i printed last year.
shes like dont hurt yourseld.
and idk. im not. and i think one of friends my have seen the scars on my wrist today.
i hope not. that might be difficult to deal with.

damn it.
DAMN IT.
DAMN IT.

tomorrow is a new day, and i demand to do better.
SOFIA, get it together, for your own sake.