Monday, December 27, 2010

oh my, the growls. she's happy.

what i posted on tumblr at 347 am.
my thought for the night,
i cant fall asleep,
all i can do is listen.

todays weigh-in:
132.5 lb.

halved quesidilla (50) + 3 grape tomato (3) = breakfast (53)
brownie (100) + lemon cookie (100) = tasting (200)
tomato salad (20) + brownie (80) = dinner (100)
salad (40) + hummus and chips (750) = supper? (790)
running (-110)
jumping jacks (-40)
crunches (-50)
943 cal.

i got new razors the other day,
i may look into that...
(i did. ryan wont be happy.)

im drinking alone right now,
i just want to feel something,
i feel like crying,
but i dont want to cry.

i had a goal for today.
134 for my blogger anniversary.

why cant i feel anything?

he doesnt want to hear it.
its fine,
i just need someone to hook up with.
(not really)
ill tell him what he wants to hear.

i need a smoke,
i need more to drink.
i need to get shitfaced,
and not go home.
what is home?
i dont want to be here.

im sober now.
and really
turned on.
but what the fuck am i to do about that.

i wish food had no calories.
i ate too much tonight,
hopefully an overestimation.
this is what happens when i spend an evening at home.
this is why i have to leave,
they cant know.
its punishment time:
-run 1/2 mile.
-50 jumping jacks.
-run 1/2 mile.
-50 jumping jacks.
-300 crunches.
that was really painful.
this is why you dont eat food, sofia.

p.s. i wrote this throughout the day.


  1. Oh, if food had no calories. I'm sure there would be something equally as awful though, it's all in the balance of life sadly.

    Don't treat your self too rough ): Congratulations on meeting your goal, you should be thrilled! You're one step closer to your UGW :)

    Worried about you, Sofia. Your posts seem to get more and more depressing. Chin up, lovely :)
    Stay beautiful <3

  2. congrats on reaching, & exceeding your goal.
    I hope you're OK lovely.
    New razors sound dangerously attractive.
    Ryan must care enough about you to want you not to cut, and we all care about you and want you to be happy.
    Remember that <3

  3. I hope you feel better soon!! Stay strong m'dear tomorrows another day xxx

  4. 132, wow!!! You're so close to the 120's and I'm uber jealous, you just made me feel like a complete failure :/ (my fault, not yours lol)

    I actually really like the way you wrote this blog. Sporadic, but this is exactly how my brain works throughout the day. Random thoughts, different thoughts/emotions.

  5. I'm sorry you're feeling crappy. :( I think the holidays amplify the bad feelings. At the same time I know what you mean about not being able to feel anything. Hope you're feeling better!



thank you for being lovely today.